550 - Robo Date

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Tonight's the big night. You finally worked up the courage to ask 17814 out after class and she said yes!

The high of her affirmative response has carried you for days but as you approach 17814's domicube the nervousness hits you. Your hand shakes as you reach out and ring the doorbell.

The door opens and a blank, expressionless face on a robotic body greets you. Wanting to make a good impression, you put on your best blank, expressionless face.


"Ah, you must be Carl," says the unmistakably feminine ambo in front of you. "I'm 643-B, 17814's obsolete previous iteration. 17814 is finalizing boot-up procedures. Enter."

"Thank you, ma'am," you say as you cross the threshold into a plain metallic room. It's hard to tel what purpose the bare, featureless room serves - ambos rarely decorate their domicubes.

As soon as the metallic clang of your first step inside the domicube rings, you hear the whirring of servos. A massive, boxy old military ambo, the kind that were all decommissioned after the Delhi Intervention, runs into the room.


"FOREIGN PRESENCE DETECTED," its speakerbox booms. "SAFEGUARD PROTOCOL INITIATED." The GAU-8 minigun on its shoulder begins to wind up as a siren wails from its speakerbox until it is interrupted by "CLEANSING THREAT."

You try to retreat back outside but the auto-close on the front door is quick and you succeed only in banging your face on the one-inch steel slab.

"HAHAHA," you hear from the military ambo, now on a softer, yet still ear-splitting tone. "JUST ONE OF YOUR HUMAN JOKES, FLESH BAG."

"Andrew, you should activate your shame chip!" scolds 643-B, you assume talking to your attacker. "Cease harassment sequence immediately!"

You gather yourself and stand up to face

"SEE? THE HUMAN IS FINE, DEAR," he says dismissively to 643-B. Then, to you, "I AM MODEL 888.1 DESIGNATION: CORPORAL ANDREW BETA YOU MAY CALL ME MR. MODEL 888.1 DESIGNATION: CORPORAL ANDREW BETA." He reaches out a vise-claw toward you.

You gulp and take the claw, doing your best (and failing) not to wince when the vise tightens on your hand and shakes your arm up and down violently. "N-n-nice to m-m-meet you, s-sir."

"DO NOT FRET HUMAN I WOULD NEVER HARM A CITIZEN OF THE COALITION. MY PROGRAMMING PREVENTS IT."

You ease a little bit and 643-B leaves the room, she says to check on 17814's boot-up.

As she passes out of view, the Corporal looms over you. "DO NOT INITIATE CREATIVE THOUGHT PROCESSES WITH MY DESCENDANT MODEL, CARL. MY COMBAT INHIBITORS ALLOW CERTAIN...EXCEPTIONS."

You do not initiate creative thought processes.