“…so then I said, that’s not my tentacle, that’s my mother!” Gorgxx practically shouted. He threw his head back and bellowed a full, gurgling laugh.
Kelly chuckled nervously. “That’s really funny, Gorgxx,” she said, barely managing not to frown.
Swamp monsters, Kelly knew, were totally not hot, but she felt she had to humor Gorgxx. He was a regular customer at Mr. LeBlanc’s Crawfee Shop [sic], and paying customers were few and far between for a café in the middle of the Henderson Swamp. So Kelly humored the poor, lonely swamp creature. She complimented him when he walked in, telling him his head-fins looked good (they didn’t) or that he smelled nice (he smelled like an alligator’s cloaca). She’d give him a large instead of a medium, on the house, even though it only translated to her mopping up more coffee on the ground when it seeped out of his…orifices. And she’d laugh at his horrible, awful jokes.
Kelly was fearful, however, that Gorgxx was starting to think she liked him. Kelly needed to squash that shit real quick.
“Gorgxx, I need to talk to you,” Kelly said firmly, her brow furrowed.
Gorgxx lit up like he’d won the lottery, all four of his eyes widening. His jagged, toothy smile reached from tympanum to wet, glistening tympanum. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. “Kelly, I feel the same way. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.”
“I was going to say that I don’t like you.”
“Gorgxx, I’m sorry, I know that wasn’t what-“ Gorgxx’s fins stood straight up on his head. Kelly jumped gave a low whimper. “Are you okay?”
A low growl began to come from Gorgxx’s throat, and his top two eyes began to vibrate, his eyelids opening and closing rapidly.
“What are you-“ Before Kelly could finish, Gorgxx’s top eyelids retreated into his skull and his top eyes bulged out. A thick, green liquid shot out from his eye sockets and splashed on Kelly’s face. “AUUUGHHH” turned to “EEEWWWW” as Kelly’s initial shock turned to complete disgust. “What the fuck Gorgxx?”
Gorgxx turned and fled out the door, through the reeds and into the water of the swamp. With the bubbles from Gorgxx’s submersion cam a plain white Styrofoam coffee cup, and a low, sad, gurgling cry. “I’m going to die a virgiiiin….”