145 - Cuntfetti


You’ve done it; covered every planter on the 3rd Street sidewalk in sparkling silver confetti. The downtown destination is now undeniably and unabashedly fabulous, and there’s nothing that dumb bitch Laura can do to fuck this one up.

The dirt and grass around the trees and shrubs which line the street of the city’s favorite bar-strewn boulevard twinkle festively in the sun during the day, and reflect the fabulous lights of marquees and neon signs at night. It’s all your doing, and even if Laura spent two days sucking 3rd Street with a shop-vac (and you wouldn’t put it past that scheming whore) she couldn’t take that away from you or the people of this city.

You think the silver was really a nice choice of color, considering the late season. It’s October, and the silver reflects the lovely orange of jack-o-lanterns and spooky skull candles, but when Thanksgiving and later Christmas roll around, silver is unmistakably at home during the holidays. You know Laura, that endless, irreparably broken sociopath of a cunt, would kill Christmas itself if it would make you feel just a little bit bad, but you know it’s no longer within her power. You’ve won.

Suck on that, Laura.