Day 1 – Avian intruder located in driveway. Proper authorities contacted.
Day 2 – Intruder refuses all verbal commands and remains in place.
Day 3 – Police have instructed me not to contact them again regarding the stubborn intruder under penalty of criminal charges, and have refused to return. I feel I shall have to make my own justice.
Day 4 – The intruder has adopted a clever disguise of ants in an attempt to camouflage itself among the many ants surrounding it on the concrete. You may have the police fooled, burglar bird, but you can’t fool me.
Day 5 – I awoke to find small parts of the intruder had split off from its main body. I fear it may be trying to multiply.
Day 6 – Maury is super fucking good today. That dude was so happy he’s not the father, and he did this little dance it was great.
Day 7 – After a full week, my true nemesis has revealed itself. The intruder was simply a Trojan horse for the evil skeleton inside. The skeletons’ pursuit is relentless. I am running out of places to hide.