Build your own chicken coop!
(Isn’t comic sans just great?)
Tired of your chickens roaming free, but too much of a cheapskate to pay someone else for a coop? Here’s a simple step-by-step guide to building the home of your chickens’ dreams!* *chickens have no dreams, only nightmares
1- Get your materials together!
You’ll need a few simple things to get started. Lattice work (style of your choice, I like the kinds with zig-zags because it reminds me of me), about 4 square feet should do. 20’ of 2x4s, some carpentry nails, four feet of wooden dowels, 8 square feet of 1cm plywood, a roll of chicken wire, and a positive mental attitude!*
*good luck with that, we all know why your husband left you
2- Lay down your foundation!
Arrange some of the 2x4 in a 3’ x 4’ rectangle, then nail together. Securely nail chicken wire to the bottom of the boards. Be sure all the fittings are tight and solid – if the foundation is shaky, the whole thing will come apart.*
*just like your marriage, and eventually, your life
3- Build your walls!
Attach a 30” piece of 2x4 at each corner of the foundation. Complete the frame with a mirror of the base at the top. Wrap the sides completely in chicken wire and secure to the 2x4s. We’ll worry about the door later.*
*there’s no getting out of this hell, after all
4- Time for the roof!
Attach a piece of plywood to each of the 4’ top frame segments at a 30 degree angle. This will be the meat of your roof. Don’t forget to seal up the open gap at the top with some chicken wire: you don’t want any unwelcome guests coming in your hens new house.*
*or any more homewrecking whores coming into yours
5- Dress it up!
Now use your chosen lattice work to trim the roof and studs. This will turn a chicken house into a chicken home!
*and later a chicken dividable asset