249 - Cover It


You’ve always thought of seat covers as tacky, but needs as must when the devil drives, and when anyone seeing the blood-stained factory upholstery of your car’s driver seat would lead to questions you can’t answer. This is the first and last time you buy a car “sight unseen,” which your roommate told you two days too late is not actually usually a thing with cars. Thanks, Art.

While the two bullet holes in the head rest added a certain nom de plume (you were never sure how to use that one) to what was, admittedly, a rather lackluster 1996 Ford Probe, you figure it’s best if no one ever talks about what they’ve seen inside that car, which won’t be a problem if Sarah, the girl walking past your house when you brought the car home, can learn to stop screaming every time you remove the gag. Grow up, Sarah, drama is for high school.