301 - Mobility Fertility


 How to grow your own cell phone tree!

            Tired of replacing your mobile device every few months? We all are! But you don’t have to worry about spending hundreds of dollars on a new phone ever again! You can grow your own cell phone tree at home, just like the big electronics companies do! The best about growing your own Malus iphonus is that you don’t have to sweat upgrades. The tree naturally evolves every flowering season and drops brand new, current generation devices! Wow!

            So are you ready to get started farming your own organic cell phone right in your own back yard? Follow these simple steps!

1)      Getting Ready to Plant: Before you even start the planting process, you’ll probably have the urge to back up your files from your phone onto the cloud or your PC. This is completely unnecessary! Data is passed down genetically from the phone to the tree, just like a seed gives its DNA to any other tree. All cell phones that grow from the tree will have the same genes as the cell phone you plant, so all your pictures, videos, and contacts will be pre-loaded onto the fruit! Do not turn the phone off! If the device is deactivated, it will be unable to absorb the vital nutrients it needs from the soil.

2)      Sowing the Seeds: Most bulbs, seeds, saplings, or anything of the sort require a hole be dug prior to planting to ensure proper sprouting. Not so with the cell phone tree! Tilt the phone upside down and firmly press the top into soft soil, so that the charging port can get plenty of sunlight, prolonging battery life during the germination phase. If your phone has its charging port on the side, you’ll need to plant it sideways.

3)      Time to Water: We all know plants can’t grow without lots of precious H2O, so get out the watering can and give that cell phone a nice shower! Remember, cell phone trees require more water than most plants, so you’ll want to pour until a small pool of water remains on the surface of the soil.

4)      That’s it!: Sit back, relax, and in just a few short months your new phone will appear plump, juicy, and fully charged! Amazing!