383 - Mall Responder

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Does your child dream of being a first responder like the brace men and women of your local fire department? Do they constantly drone on about their hopes of becoming a hero and saving lives like the men on the big red truck? Are you tired of that bullshit?

Bring them on down to the mall to experience Mall Responder themed strollers!

Mall Responder strollers can inject a dose of reality into their thick skulls. By giving you progeny an authentic simulated look into the everyday life of a retail property fire guard, you can show your child how cruel the world can truly be to dreamers.

Let you boy or girl lug around a bag of sand and a fire extinguisher, repeatedly telling their friends that they're not qualified to use a fire hose, but they're taking the civil service test a fourth time in April and they've got a really good feeling about it. Tell the naive spawn of your loins to press the emergency button when they see an open flame to call a real fireman to come do their job, but be sure to fill out a full report to the mall manager later.

Mall Responder Double Strollers: because it's never too early to let a child know their dreams probably won't come true.