“Hello, Cleveland!” shouts the lead singer over the microphone.
You’ve been anxiously awaiting this concert for months, you can barely believe you’re actually here, just about a hundred feet away from your favorite band. It’s like a dream come true.
“Are you ready to rock!?” he asks rhetorically.
The crowd unironically shouts back in the affirmative.
“Fuck yeah, let’s get started…”
A roar of applause works through the crowd.
“…with the safety briefing!” he finishes. He lowers his tone to a soft murmur, still made audible by the truly killer sound system in the arena. “Emergency exits are located to the rear and sides. In the likely event of a fire because our pyrotechnics are gonna blow you away please proceed out of the building in a calm and orderly fashion, helping children, women, and seniors to the doors first, fellas! I’d also like to expound upon some more general safety, not necessarily related to tonight’s performance. First, most people don’t tend to check the wiring in their homes often enough…”
Two hours pass while he drones on about safety.
“…and that’s why simple situational awareness is the first line of defense in any unexpected attack. Speaking of, here’s a song from our new album, it’s called “Simple Situational Awareness is the First Line of Defense in Any Unexpected Attack” ONE TWO THREE!”
You liked their older stuff better.