Today, you’ve made a point to sit on each of the park benches in the block-wide community park across the street from your house – a strong and defining decision for a woman who until recently had trouble deciding which hand to wipe with. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single ass on a two-by-four, as they say.
As you make your way into the park, you notice the benches have been made into some sort of art project. “Be Polite” is really something you can get behind, so you put your behind on it. After a few minutes, you move on. Time waits for no woman, and you’ve got sitting around to do.
The next bench, marked plainly “Be Professional”, is equally comfortable and equally satisfying to smush your posterior upon. You’re a professional, sure. Or, rather, you have the makings of one – all you’re lacking is the proper opportunity, and the proper motivation, training, education, clothes, and reliable transportation. This bench was practically made for you.
The third and final bench in the park takes a dramatic departure from the previous too, but only because you haven’t made it to “M” in WikiQuote yet.
“Have A Plan To Kill Everyone You Meet,” it reads.
You know what you have to do.