You open the pop top on the last can of Vienna sausages and let it go. It clinks on the concrete and you sigh. It’s all creamed corn from here on out.
You lie to yourself and think I always wondered what it would take to make me savor a can of potted meat, and now I know. The first part of your thought is ridiculous, of course. No one wonders shit like that. How stupid.
You do know now, though, the condition that must be met for savoring Vienna sausages is the simple impossibility of eating anything other than creamed corn for the rest of your life.
You wish you hadn’t eaten all the Twinkies first, but you don’t come down on yourself too hard for it. After all, this is your first apocalypse.