“Wait!” Tommy shouts from behind you in a voice that is inappropriately loud for what is supposed to be, for all intents and purposes, a fucking stealth mission.
Your widened eyes glistening in the darkness of the old state capitol’s basement, you turn to face Tommy with your lips pursed in a comic expression of teenage fury. “What the fuck Tommy? We’re supposed to be stone cold ninja shit on this one.”
“Shit, sorry” says Tommy, realizing his mistake and immediately mirroring your hissing whisper. “It’s just…I mean…”
“Spit it out, you fucking spaz,” you snap.
“Look, Mark, I know we were gonna do some kind of prank with the water main here and like fuck up the toilets like the Goonies or whatever, but look at that sign, man!”
You look at the sign hanging above the large valve handle: MAIN CONTROL. You look back at Tommy. “Yeah?”
“It says main control, man! What if it’s not a water main control, man? What if it’s like…the main control? To like…everything?”
Your furious expression softens with pity. All these years and you had no idea your friend Tommy was actually retarded.
“Tommy?” you ask timidly.
“Shut up and I’ll buy you ice cream when we’re done.”