You ascend the cables calmly and professionally. This isn’t climbing, climbing is something people who don’t respect safety or rules do. No, no, this is definitely a legitimate ascension. You inform the security guard, who is currently shouting at you from two levels below at the base of the parking garage, of the distinction.
Inviting your friends…ahem…er…coworkers to join in your evaluation of the integrity of the cables, they push you as hard as they can while you’re standing on the other side. You are happy to learn that the cables’ texture imparts ample assistance to your grip, allowing for maximum resistance to slip-and-fall. You impart this knowledge to the security guard, who seems conspicuously, almost rudely, unreceptive.
In a true show of teamwork, your associates join you on the cables, rising and falling to give a true challenge to the tensile strength of the spun metal wires, and you are glad to say that the ferrous carbon twine does not disappoint. The relaying of this significant accomplishment of the hospital does not soothe the security guard’s anger.
As you fall with two darts coursing high-voltage electricity through your muscles, you can’t help but feel the Taser is a bit much.