Scheduled hours of intoxication are as follows:
We don’t want any of y’all getting drunk during work, but skipping out an hour early seems okay. It’s what we do. Those six hours will give you the right amount of time to avoid any meaningful contact with your bitch of a husband or those nagging kids, but still wake up for work in the morning.
Long weekends call for long periods of drinking. Freed from the exhausting grind of the work week, your mind is free to wander. Ultimately, as it always does, it will journey to a place you don’t want it to go – a graveyard of hopes and dreams, where the tombstones and mausoleums give tribute to all the things you’ll never accomplish in your meaningless life. Have another beer, you’ve got ten hours.
The Lord’s day demands a sacrifice, and so that sacrifice will be two hours of the ability to purchase your chemical escape from the crushing weight of reality. The sacrifice is mandatory, and will curry you no favor with a god that does not see you.