527 - Reserved for Employee of the Month


"I'd like a different parking spot," you tell Gary, your boss.

"What?" Gary asks. He draws out the a sound; it takes him several seconds to say the word. With his jaw dropped open for so long, he looks less like he is asking you a question and more like he's watching a plane crash. "It's the employee of the month spot!"

"I can't help but feel there's animosity in the office toward me," you explain, "and I'd like to park my car in a spot that's less...accessible...to people who might enact that animosity toward me in a physical way."

"But...it's the best parking spot in the company!" Gary exclaims. "Well, second best. I'm the boss, after all."

"I know it's the second best, Gary. I want to park somewhere else."

"You're just going to give up the honor I've given you? You're going to throw away employee of the month?"

You tire of these games. "I'm your only employee, Gary. I'm always employee of the month. Change the fucking spot." You rise from your seat and walk angrily out of the office. As you turn to close Gary's door, you add "...and stop shitting on the hood of my car."