530 - Harmful If Swallowed


Warning: Harmful if Swallowed.

Far be it for us to judge you for the indubitably confusing and almost certainly terrifying life circumstances that brought you to the moment where you are seriously considering swallowing a live human baby wearing a full diaper but here we are.

Since you're at this point, it's obvious you've, for better or worse, moved past the moral and ethical problems involved with eating a child. Therefore, we'll try to dissuade you from this course of action with more mechanical arguments.

1) Can't get that head past your mouth, dude. You aren't a snake and you aren't unhinging that jaw. You are doomed to failure.

2) Even if you manage to get it past the bottleneck, the baby's gonna kick the shit out of your stomach, causing discomfort.

3) There's pee in that diaper, man.

4) There's poop in that diaper, man.

5) Diapers taste bad regardless of soiling.

We hope you'll reconsider.