541 - Another Matinee


It's Tuesday and you can finally go see the special re-screening of 2 Fast 2 Furious at the Broadmoor Theatre for just a dollar when you buy a pitcher, which you were going to do anyway because a pitcher of Miller Highlife is just a dollar at the Broadmoor Theatre when you only give the cashier a dollar and walk away ignoring his shouts that you didn't pay enough. It's a deal that's just too good to pass up.

Walking into the single screening room that's managed to resist the mold problem, you're excited to see a middle-aged couple in the center row of the otherwise empty seats - experiences are always better when shared. You take the seat directly next to the larger man, who immediately gives you a sideways stare which becomes a straight stare when he turns his head. Angles are weird.

He leans over to his partner and you hear an exchange of hushed whispers. before he returns his attention to you.

"Um, excuse me," he says, making no effort to hid his irriation. "Do you have to sit right next to us?"

You return his stare and reply "No." You kick your sandals off and reach down to take off your socks, then lean back and prop your feet up on the seat in front of you. The damp air of the Broadmoor is great for the various fungi that inhabit the space between your toes, at least that's what your doctor said to you never not even once.

You reach into the tub of popcorn in the large man's lap, coming back with a generous handful which you promptly stuff into your mouth. "I'm so glad you guys came," you say before you even consider beginning to chew. A few pieces of popcorn rocket out of your mouth and into the man's face. "This is gonna be great."

The bluish glow of an LED flashlight illuminates the entry ramp to the theater. Excited for more friends, you leap to your feat and raise your pitcher of the champagne of beers in glee. "Yaaaaaay!" you shout, which quickly morphs into "Oh shiiii-" when you realize it's the concession clerk, who sees you an begins to run up the stairs with a security guard behind him.

"Fuck, cover for me!" you yell to the couple. You snatch their popcorn before climbing over them and running for the emergency exit.

One day you're gonna see this fucking movie.