66 - Jesus Took the Wheel


You are going through a terrible time in your life, and even though you are driving seventy miles per hour down I-10, you decide to close your eyes for a moment and pray. You ask Jesus to take the wheel.

“Amen.” You open your eyes and your steering wheel is gone.

In your rear view mirror, you catch a glimpse of a black hoop bouncing off to the shoulder of the highway; you assume that’s your steering wheel, hopping happily out of your life.

You stare at your now-headless steering column. You are beyond fear or terror or confusion. You believe you are feeling the most pronounced sense of bewilderment a woman has ever encountered. You feel abandoned by your God.

Powerless to control your car, you turn your eyes to the heavens. “Jesus, I-“ you stutter. You take a deep breath, deeply consider your situation, and finish your thought out loud. “I accept your will, Lord.”

Jesus pops up from where he was hiding in the back seat. “Ha HA!” shouts your Lord and Savior, scaring you half to death. His dark, silky hair flies wildly from side to side as he shakes his head in amusement.

“What the hell, Jesus?” you scream, infuriated.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Jesus says as he raises his left palm to you in a defensive posture. You notice he’s holding his phone in his right hand, and the camera is pointed at you. “No need to take my name in vain! It was just a prank, bro!”

“You threw my steering wheel out the window, Jesus!” You shout. “I’m going to die!”

Keeping his phone pointed at your face, Jesus dips his left hand behind the seat. “Looking for this?” His hand comes back up with your steering wheel. “Looks like I’ve saved you again, my child!” Jesus laughs hysterically.

You take the wheel back from Jesus and shove it haphazardly onto the steering column. You slam on your brakes and pull over to the shoulder.

“What the hell, Jesus?” You say as you turn around, but you find your back seat empty and one of the back doors of your car open. You scan the nearby area and catch sight of Jesus’ flowing white robes moving across the nearby lake. You can just make out that he’s pointing his phone camera back at himself for an over-the shoulder view.

You can barely hear him shout “I prank in mysterious waaaays…” as he runs across the water.

The next day you check YouTube and you find Jesus has uploaded the video, which already has several hundred thousand views.

You sue Jesus for using your image without permission, but Jesus has really good lawyers and the judge rules that he is above the law of man.

You go speak to your priest and tell him what happened. You express how the incident has shaken your faith in the Lord.

Through the confessional booth screen, you hear him sigh. “Chill out, bro,” he tells you, “it was just a prank.”