165 - Improper Child Restraint



You finish removing the straps that hold your daughter’s car seat and throw it out of the car towards the curb where it belongs. It is inadequate to transport a child as incredible as yours, and thus its place is at the edge of the driveway with the rest of the trash.

Worried for a moment that you don’t have enough bungee cords to secure your daughter in the back of the van, you find quickly that the true problem is a lack of evenly spaced anchor points at equal angles. A quick trip to the hardware store for a few dozen screw-mounted hooks solves that issue.

Your daughter takes her place in the nylon harness you designed for her. It secures her body completely from every angle. Hips, shoulders, legs, chest, head – nothing is left to carelessly wave about. D-rings adorn reinforced straps that hang from every angle of the harness, into each of which you hang a bungee cord.

The other end of the bungee cords are placed in the hooks you’ve mounted around the cabin of the minivan. Ceiling, walls, floor, the interior of the rear doors and the back of the front seats all create a counter-balanced system of elastic bands that allow some movement in each direction, but pull hard enough so she’ll never hit anything inside the van.

You finish strapping your daughter in and crank up the van. You’ve work left to do improving the motor and suspension, but you’re in a smooth, empty parking lot and you’ll go easy for the test run, so you’re not that worried.

You mash the gas and your daughter travels back slightly before the bungee cords in the front begin to pull her back. You get up to speed and take a hard turn, she swings to the side and as you correct and straighten the van, she returns to center.

For several minutes, you test ever angle with quick accelerations, hard stops, hairpin turns, and even a ramp over a speed bump or two. Your baby girl squeals with glee each time she swings around and her elastic mounts pull her back to her starting position.

You are a good dad.